Love & Loss

                                      Love and loss

I've loved and lost, as have so many. It's strange because loss is such a permanent thing, it is the true definition of a heart break. I don't mean a break-up, or friendship ending. Though a loss that may be, in this blog I will be discussing bereavement. 

Bereaved, deprivation of a loved one, such as family or friend, through their death. Death, a word that frightens so many of us. What does death mean to you? ask yourself.

For many, it's a chance to be reborn, a chance to see loved ones, visit heaven a chance to be at peace. 

For me? I like to see death as the opportunity to visit those I have loved and lost, that brings me comfort. I like the idea that when we unfortunately lose someone, we are blessed with their presence again when it is our time to get called to the gates of heaven. 

I have lost many in my 25 years of life. Loved and lost, I've suffered, i'm heartbroken, I am crippled with heart ache and I am yearning to see those again, those who blessed me with their presence. 

Death, bereavement, heartache does hurt, not just emotionally but it brings an intense physical pain. An indescribable pain that words alone could not convey. However, it also brings lessons. 

When you lose a loved one, it provides you with an overwhelming desire to appreciate more. Appreciate life, appreciate things, appreciate people and appreciate the present. 

Is bereavement just another life lesson?

Life and death two opposing concepts, yet somehow they interlink with each other in teaching us lessons. Through life we learn about death and through death we learn about life. 

We take a lot for granted in our lives and that's OK, we can't beat ourselves up over that. We are all our own worst enemies, in one way or another. 

We learn in life that we don't appreciate things enough until they are no longer with us, this is one of the truest statements I have ever read. You truly don't know what you have, until it is gone. With the absence of appreciation or little appreciation or even just not enough appreciation we then live with the crippling feeling of regret.

Regret - disappointment over something that someone has done has failed to do. Failure, another word we all live in fear of. Failure, what scares you most about failure? 

Failure scares me, the idea that I am not good enough, the idea that I attempted something and did not succeed. The thought that I would let others down. Failure also scares me when I think I have failed a person, whether I could have done more for them, could I have loved them better, cared more, helped more, listened more, been there more. 

When losing a loved one the feeling of regret is absolutely inevitable, it's almost bound to happen to everyone. Even if you done everything you was supposed to do, you were there every minute, you done everything perfectly, you listened, you cared, you loved hard. There will always be something that you will regret. 

The idea that we won't see a loved one again is so unbearable we have to punish ourselves, whether consciously or unconsciously, sometimes this manifests into regrets. Even though we may feel we did do enough, we will beat ourselves up over and over again, dwelling and hating ourselves because in reality the truth is we cannot stand to wake in the morning make a cup of coffee, sit at that dining room table staring at that empty chair. Knowing that we now have to endure all day and everyday without that person, without their smile, without their smell, without their presence, without their charm, their love. Without them. 

How does one comprehend the concept of loss? how do you carry on living when the person you love is no longer living? how do you continue to eat, drink, sleep, dress, wash and live. Knowing that the person you absolutely adore is no longer walking on this earth. These questions will never be answered as they depends from person to person. For me, I will never comprehend it, I struggle to accept it, I struggle to live with it but what provides me with comfort is that I hope, one day, to see them again. 

Everybody has to hold on the their faith, their hope. Everybody has to embrace courage. Courage will get you through absolutely anything. So if you ever find yourself struggling, dig deep, very deep if you're struggling. Find something to give yourself meaning. Find the answers you need. Create hope, faith and truly believe in it. It's yours and nobody can take it away from you. 

If you are struggling with loss, find something that provides you with comfort, whether it's the thought of seeing them again, listening to their songs, the smell of their clothes. Anything. Embrace yourself and create warmth, surround yourself with positivity and through this courage will manifest and strength will be born. You will learn you can get through it and as each day goes by the stronger you will become, you will never forget. You may never accept. That's OK. But you can, become stronger. You can still live. Just because they have died, does not mean you have to die too. Embrace life, and live it. Above all. Live free. 

FF